I want you to take a millisecond right now and think about what you want. Yeah, I'm talkning about you. — What do you want?
Now here’s the deal. Being healthy will not get your ass on a treadmill. Losing your manboobs, so you can hook up with somebody, now that’s motivation.
So, I want to know: What do you want?
- Do you want to lose weight?
- Do you want to triple your income?
- Do you want to find love?
What is it? You know what it is, don’t analyze it to death, just pick something.
But that’s part of the problem — You won’t pick.
So, I’m going to be talking about how you get what you want. And frankly, getting what you want is simple. But notice I didn’t say it was easy.
It’s very simple!
In fact, if you think about it; we live in the most amazing moment in time. So that thing that you have stuck in your mind – whatever it may be – you want to eat healthy, you want to cure diabetes, you want to figure out how to take care of the elders and start a new hospice center, you want to move to Africa and build a school… But guess what?
You can walk into a book store and buy at least ten books written by credentialed experts on how the hell you do it. Or you could Google it. And you could probably find at least a thousand blogs documenting the step, by step transformation that somebody else is already doing.
You can find anybody online and cyber-stalk them! Like us!
Follow what everyone else has done, because somebody is already doing it!
So why don’t you have what you want, when you have all the information that you need, you have the contacts that you need, there are probably free tools online that allow you to start a business, or join a group, or do whatever the heck you want!?
It all comes down to one word:
The f-bomb. It’s everywhere! You hear it all the time, and I honestly don’t understand what the appeal is of the word. I mean, you don’t sound smart when you say it. And it’s really not expressing how you really feel.
And of course you know I’m talking about the word “fine” or “bra” in swedish.
– “How you doing?”
– “Oh, I’m fine.”
Oh, really? You are?
Dragging around those extra forty pounds, you’re fine?
Feeling like roommates with your spouse, and you’re fine?
You haven’t had sex in four months, you’re fine?
Really?! I don’t think so!
But see, here’s the deal with saying that you’re fine: It’s actually genius. Because if you’re fine, you don’t have to do anything about it. But when you think about this word “fine”, it just makes me so angry.
It’s really a flimsy and feeble word! If you’re crappy, say you’re crappy! If you’re amazing say you’re amazing! Tell the truth!
And this not only goes for the social construct:
“Oh, I don’t want to burden you with the fact that I hate my life”, or: “Hey, I’m amazing! But that would make you feel terrible.”
The bigger issue
The bigger issue with “fine” is that you say it to yourself.
That thing that you want, I guarantee you, you’ve convinced yourself that you’re fine not having it. That’s why you’re not pushing yourself. It’s the areas in your life where you’ve given up. Where you’ve said;
- “Oh, I’m fine. My friend’s never going to change, so I just can’t have that conversation.”
- “I’m fine. We’ve got to wait until the kids graduate, before we get divorced, so we’ll just sleep in separate bedrooms.”
- “I’m fine. I lost my job, I can barely pay my bills, but whatever – It’s hard to get a job.”
One of the reasons why this word also just annoys me so much is, scientists have calculated the odds of you being born.
That’s right. They’ve crunched the numbers on you being born. And they took into account all of the wars, and the natural disasters, the dinosaurs, and everything else.
And do you realize that the odds of you, at the moment in time you were born, to the parents you were born to, with the DNA structure that you have — one in four hundred trillion!
You have life-changing ideas for a reason, and it’s not to torture yourself.
All day long you have ideas that could change your life, that could change the world, that could change the way that you feel, and what do you do with them? Nothing!
And I want you to just think for a minute, because we all have – “the inner snooze button” – because you have these amazing ideas that bubble up. I guarantee you everytime you have an idea, what do you do? – Hit the snooze!
What’s the first decision you made this morning?
I bet it was to go back to bed.
— “Yeah, first decision today, I’m one in four hundred trillion, I’m going to go back to sleep.”
And I get it! Your bed is comfortable! It’s cosy, it’s warm! And if you’re lucky, you’ve got somebody that you love next to you.
And the reason why I’m bringing up this first decision that you made today, and the inner snooze alarm, is because in any area of your life that you want to change – any – there’s one fact that you need to know.
You are never going to feel like it. Ever.
No one’s coming, motivation isn’t happening, you’re never going to feel like it. Scientists call it activation energy.
That’s what they call the force required to get you to change from what you’re doing on autopilot to do something new. So try this test tomorrow. Tomorrow morning, set your alarm for thirty minutes earlier. And then when it goes off, take those sheets, throw them off, and stand up and start your day.
No snooze, no delay. Do it.
And the reason why I want you to do it is because you will come face to face with the physical force that’s required to change your behavior. Do you think that somebody who needs to lose weight ever feels like going on a diet? Of course not!
The activation energy required to get your ass away from your computer and out the front door, to go on the walk, you said that you were going to go on, is the exact same amount of force that it takes you to push yourself out of a warm bed and into a cold room.
What’s interesting about being an adult is that when you become eighteen, nobody tells you that it’s now going to be your job to parent yourself. And by “parent yourself”, I mean it’s your job to make yourself do the crap you don’t want to do, so you can be everything that you’re supposed to be.
And you’re so damn busy waiting to feel like it. And you’re never going to! Because you won’t. Ever. Not now, not then, not ever!
And even when you get good at something, you’ll figure out something else you don’t want to do. You’ll then plato out, get bored, “I hate this job. Blah blah boring.”
But will you look for a new one? No! You’ll just bitch about that one.
It’s very, very simple to get what you want. But it’s not easy.
It’s kind of funny how we start out as kids and then we become adults, and we spend so much time trying to push our life into some sort of stable routine, and then we grow bored of it!?
You wake up at the same time every day, you have largely the same breakfast, you drive to work the same way, show up at work, look busy, avoid making calls, update Facebook, you attend a meeting and doodle the whole time, go back and update Facebook, make plans for the evening, you look busy some more, then drive home the same way, you eat largely the same dinner or a variety of it, you watch the same kind of media, and then you go to bed, and do the same thing all over again!
No wonder you’re bored out of your mind! It’s the routine that’s killing you.
I have this theory about why people get stuck in life. If you’ve bumped into Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs”? Well then you know your body is kinda cool. Because you have these basic needs. And your body is wired to send you signals.
- If you need food, what do you feel? — Hungry
- If you need water, what do you feel? – Thirsty
- If you need sex, what do you feel? – Horny
I think when you feel stuck or dissatisfied in your life, it’s a signal. And it’s not a signal that your life is broken. It’s a signal that one of your most basic needs are not being met. Your need for exploration.
Everything about your life, about your body, grows! Your cells regenerate, your hair, your nails, everything grows for your entire life. And your soul needs exploration and growth. And the only way you’ll get it is by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable. Forcing yourself to get outside, out of your head.
If you’re in your head, you’re behind enemy lines. In fact, if I put a speaker on it and we broadcast what you say to yourself, we would institutionalize you. You would not hang out with people that talk to you the way you talk to yourself. So get out of your head!
Your feelings are screwing you! I don’t care how you feel! I care about what you want! And if you listen to how you feel, when it comes to what you want – you will not get it.
Because you will never feel like it.
And you need to get outside your comfort zone. It’s not about taking risks, it’s about getting outside your comfort zone. Those first three seconds when you push yourself out of bed, they blow. But once you’re up, it’s great.
There’s one thing that you can use – the five-second-rule.
Your mind can process a facial expression It can move pretty damn quick. The other thing that it does very quickly is if you have one of those little impulses that are pulling you, if you don’t marry it with an action within five seconds, you pull the emergency brake and kill the idea.
If you have the impulse to get up and come dance while the band is playing, if you don’t stand up in five seconds, you’re going to pull the emergency brake.
If you have an impulse or you were inspired by somebody’s blog post today, and you don’t do something within five seconds – write a note, send yourself a text – anything physical to marry it with the idea, you will pull the emergency brake and kill the idea.
Your problem isn’t ideas. Your problem is you don’t act on them.
You kill them. It’s not my fault. It’s not anybody’s fault. You’re doing it to yourself. Stop it!
You got stuff to do! And it’s not going to happen in your head. So I want you to practice this today.
When you go off to a party – I want you to practice the five-second-rule.
Or if you see somebody and you think you have an impulse, they look interesting? Walk over there! You were inspired by somebody and you have a request? Make it!
That’s why you’re here!
Experiment with it, and I think you’ll be shocked about what happens.
One more thing.
I want you to know that everything that we do, whether it’s the podcast, a video or this that I wrote — it’s for you!
And if there is anything that we can do, if we can do anything to make you do the things you don’t want to do, so you can have what you want — We will do it.
But you need to walk over, you need to open your mouth, and you need to make the request.
You got it? Good.
Go do it.
Values have to be verbs. The reason is that values are things you do. Values are things you live by. You cannot do nouns.
You can only do verbs. If you look at organizations you see that they have their corporate values on the wall and it says, innovation, respect, honesty. Beautiful posters, yet if you have to write honesty on the wall – you have bigger problems.
You can’t do innovation. You can’t walk into someone`s office and say “from now on please, a little more innovation.” You can say – “look at the world from a different perspective” instead of innovation.
Instead of honesty you can say “do the right thing.” You can hold people accountable to that, you can build measurements around that. But when someone says “where you honest?” and you reply “well, yeah, but it was more profitable”, you can sneak around it, whereas when someone says “did you do the right thing?” it is a higher standard.
You have to have verbs if you want to do them.
Our values are “take an unconventional perspective”, “keep it simple”, “share”. We believe in sharing everything, sharing ideas, sharing experiences, “silver line it”.
What we mean by that is we find the silver lining in every cloud. The goal is not to fix the things that are broken. The goal is to amplify the things that work. And ultimately one of the long-term goals is “make long term progress.”
Because it is a stated value and stated way of operating, and it is a verb, we focus on measuring the long term value we can create in the world and not just the short term gains.
Ever since information has been easier to share we all have been posting our thoughts on X, Y, and Z. “How to get job X”, “Live longer with Y”, “I lost 10 pounds with Z.” We thrive on reading these articles and trying to life-hack our way to the top.
It’s an information overload - you think you’re learning more than ever but you’re not retaining any of the information since there is such an abundance being consumed. You need to focus on what you’re trying to improve on with moderate information intake and personal action.
Have you ever had a sleepless night after doing a new activity or after focused learning? Those are the times you’re actually retaining what you’ve learned. You’re thinking about what has changed in your life and your brain is literally rewiring itself with its newfound knowledge. Especially if it was after learning something you need to put it into action to reinforce your new beliefs or everything will be lost.
Do Something. Anything.
To become better at life or a skill in any way just do something, and I mean anything. Stop seeking others’ advice and go outside; you’ll develop your own values and advice. Remember there is no best or worst choice in any situation. Once you grasp that mentality you won’t strive to read all the tips and tricks on something new trying to learn it the fastest or best way.
Don’t let the length of your goals prevent you from starting on them.
Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.—H. Jackson Brown
You have the opportunity to choose a goal that is important to you and the privilege of failing with very little consequence. Because failing makes you smarter and stronger.
Don’t waste that privilege.
So close your laptop, go outside, create something, stop reading, start doing.
We need to face the truth that governments and corporations aren’t going to solve the job issues for us. We should stop looking outside. It’s up to us as individuals to take control and responsibility for the type of lives that we want to lead. If you don’t design your life, someone else will design it for you.